I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
