I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
