There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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