I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
