dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So much Jack, so little girl.
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