I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
