You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
