I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize