I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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