im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
