The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
