I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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