You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Do vagina's smell?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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