No stitches, just platelets and will power
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
