That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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