Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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