glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
