By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
