I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
