Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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