I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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