If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
