So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
