What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize