So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
