Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
