this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
whose parrot is this?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
