You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
