hotel room ftw
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
