Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
