I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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