Do you still have your period?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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