She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
