you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize