Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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