he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I didn't notice because vodka
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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