it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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