Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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