he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Panties = found
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