so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
