I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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