I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
