WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
