Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
