hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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