I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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