Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
