There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize