fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
