I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
