yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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