Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
