i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
