Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
