Where did you get a picture of my penis
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
