Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
