maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
