Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
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