here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
