You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
