he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
