I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
