He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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