I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
