I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
