it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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