dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
