I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
