it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
