i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
