I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The feeling are messing with the penis
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
