I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
