you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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