The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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