I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
