This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
