In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
