Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
